I Get Nervous Every Time You Speak

Song of the Day: 'Can You Tell', Ra Ra Riot

I've come to the realisation that I talk a lot. Which, I've also come to realise, isn't the same as having something to say. But I've managed to get to a point that I have fewer and fewer awkward silences because both/all parties are having trouble scrambling for something to say.

Take today, for instance. My friend Beep and I were planning on going to see one of the department shows tonight, which unfortunately got rained out (flooding in the theatre and damaging the set. That SUUUUUCKS). Instead, we got dinner and just hung out for an hour or so. I managed to talk a LOT. General musings, rants, comments, a wide variety of subjects. He talked too, interjecting every so often with a smartass comment as he is wont to do, and his own talkings. But MAN, can I pontificate.

I think it's because I like words so much. And language. Not to the extent of my crazy sister, who is getting a degree in linguistics because 'it's fun' (siriusly, Katie? Dork.), but I appreciate the power of words and the potential combinations of 'em all. I think it also comes from my family at all - we were the type of family that talked about things. Communication was quite important - rightly so - and we all tried to be careful with our choices. I actually had someone mention once that both my sister and I tend to talk in a very measured way - not necessarily slowly, but carefully. We chose specific words for specific purposes, and she found it very interesting.

I think we just want to make sure that people understand us. Not to say that people lack understanding all the time, or that we're not good at explaining ourselves. We're all just very aware of things getting lost in translation, and people's propensity to hear what they want. So we're careful with what we say, and try not to say things we don't mean or don't believe.

That's why it's hard for us when we get flustered. WE know what we want to say, it makes sense in our heads. But when there's pressure on us to say something, our words sometimes get bungled and massive miscommunication ensue.

I think that's also why I get so weird about grammar and pronunciation. There are specific ways to say things, specific ways that were deemed proper by the Gods of Language and whatnot. Funnily enough, I only JUST figured out what the subjunctive form is and how to correctly use it. And I'm almost always right. Prepositions can be nasty, though. They all get so confusing sometimes.

Also, NO ONE FROM OREGON PRONOUNCES IT 'OR-EH-GONE'. It's 'OR-EH-GIN', like 'win' or 'shin'. Dammit.

'You're' and 'your' have become synonymous for some people. Or they only use one for the meaning of both. 'They're', 'their', and 'there' is also a constant source of discomfort for me and mine. It's gotten to a point where I'll correct people when they say 'to who' (to WHOM) or reorganise a sentence so it doesn't end with a preposition (still never know if it's the right one). More often than not this is in jest, because ending sentences in prepositions and saying 'to who' (no matter how weird it sounds to me) have become common enough to be the norm.

Ever notice how some consonants get lost in pronunciation? Like the 'l' in 'always', or the 'r' in 'forward'. They've become 'oh-ways' and 'foe-ward' in some dialects. Dialects? Regions? I don't think it's regional, really. I've heard it on both coasts and all over tv shows. Maybe it's just the way the language is developing, or something. Who knows!

'Look, I find some of what you teach suspect
because I'm used to relying on intellect
but I try to open up to what I don't know...' ' Life Support', RENT

Bloggity blooooog, bloggity blog blog blog blog!

Song of the Day: 'Good Ol' Fashion Nightmare', Matt & Kim

Fun fact: I'm currently in rehearsal and they are choreographing 'Contact'. Excellent background music, I do say. SO MUCH S&M.

In other news, I've attempted to maybe start a little bit of a slight workout... thingy. Which has mostly been prompted by the copious amounts of Matt & Kim I have recently acquired (Shpanks, Emma!). They just make a good beat for it! It makes my abs hurt. A lot. But it feels really good after, and it might even start to help me sleep better. Woo!

I've discovered that it's cheaper to buy water from the fountain drinks thingy. I save about $2 each time cuz I only pay 15¢ for the cup, as opposed to the $2.35 for a water bottle. I've been drinking a lot of water lately, and less soda.

It's Rosh Hashana this weekend, so that means four day weekend and the room to myself! Not too shabby. Mostly I've been watching a bunch of tv shows online that my friend blogged about. She's really where I get most of my new tv shows. And it's the fall, so a bunch of the ones I usually watch are starting up again. I are excite.

It's gotten to a point that my cast members will wave to me whenever they see me in the halls. It actually makes me feel super cool. Mostly the other ASMs and I will sit on the periphery watching them rehearse, or doing our own thing. Our stage manager always has everything under control, so we are really only here to do the heavy lifting. Not that I mind - my biceps are turning out quite nice. But it would be nifty if we had a little more interaction with the cast. It's hard not to feel a little inconsequential during the early days, as all we do is sit around. I know that things will pick up once we get into tech week and the actual performances, and I'm certainly having fun watching the cast. I feel pretty cool getting to see everything early - makes me feel exclusive.

We've been doing some perspective and figure drawing in theatre design, and I feel like bragging a little. I've always been a decent hand at drawing, and I enjoy drawing too. But with the addition of actual instructions and tricks of the trade, I've gotten a lot better. Now my people are actually proportionate and look realistic!

Aside: on break various cast members were singing 'Breakin Free' from 'High School Musical', and now the guy playing Benny is instructing three ensemble members on the various positions one may come across in a threesome. Welcome to rehearsal for RENT, please leave your dignity, discomfort and qualms at the door. In the words of one of my awesome co-ASMs, 'it's an all you can eat buffet.'

Other than my random musings, I don't believe I have much more to say. Life is good, classes are going well, rehearsal is pretty much my favourite time of the day save for bedtime. I got to wear a scarf today! Granted, it was fairly thin and purely decorative, but still. It wasn't as insanely humid and hot as it has been, so I thought that warranted a scarf, dammit!

'I thought that there were angels but to my surprise
we climbed aboard their starship, we headed for the skies!' - 'Come Sail Away', Styx

Kill Me With Killer Eyes

Song of the Day: 'Angel in Disguise', Musiqq

Aaaaaaand then all that angst went away cuz things got FIXED!

I'm back on RENT, and I simply couldn't be happier (right dear?). Classes are going surprisingly well, even if Tuesdays and Thursdays are super-dee-duper busy. Four classes in one day can be a bit much, especially when the first three hour block is with the same teacher. Rych is nice enough and knows his shit, but he can TALK.

I've been friending people on Facebook from the cast. It's kind of pathetic how excited I get, but I don't care. That much. I don't really like adding people I don't know, which is partially why I go through my friends list and delete people I rarely talk to. Those of whom I'm not related to, that is. So when it comes to adding friends, I prefer to have actually spoken in person, insomuch that they know me as more than 'that chick on the periphery of our rehearsals every day'. But this means that I'm TALKING to people, and making REAL LIFE FRIENDS with them! Kind of a big deal for me, seeing as all the cast members are kind of terrifying.

I'm keeping up on my homework! Most if not all of my stuff is done a few days in advance. Particularly helpful since I'm busy almost every evening from 7 - 11 with rehearsal, and Sundays from noon - 5. Them be some prime homeworking time, and I've managed to stay on top of my stuff. I've also been getting a decent amount of sleep each night, which is nice. AND I've been able to watch Doctor Who every so often, which is even nicer! Wooo!

Meg and I do really well together. It's very comforting. Her best friend is a freshman here this year, and she's been going through some of that good ol' freshmen drama, but she, Meg and I have been able to get some good time in together and get a lot closer. She actually thanked me for accepting her as a friend, let alone being so good to Meg. Sure made ME feel special. :)

More than things simply going really well, I've also been doing a lot better at realising just how content I am. Classes, friends, health all good, enough alone time and free time but not too much of either, and wonderful weather to boot. Soon it'll be October and autumn and SCARF-WEARING SEASON!!!

'Life could not better be, better be, better be
life could not possibly, no sirrah, sirrah, sirree!' - 'Life Could Not Better Be', Danny Kaye (The Court Jester)

The Moon and Stars are Ganging Up on the Sun

Song of the Day: 'Girl Police', The Dudes

What IS it about college that makes people want to fuck students over?

Maybe they think it's character building. Maybe they think dealing with disappointment and last minute changes that are not only severely inconvenient but mildly heartbreaking will 'better prepare you for the future', or some shit.

Either way, they are damn good at picking that one thing to set you over the edge and make you walk back to your room in the pouring rain crying enough to make you look like a drowned rat who's addicted to pot.

I dealt with my best friend's father dying and my inability to be present at his memorial let alone near her for the next four months. I managed to make it through a red-eye flight, three hour layover, second flight, train rid, moving into my building and all in oppressively hot and humid weather after having been awake longer than twenty four hours. I didn't actually kill anyone when I couldn't get into my storage unit to get all of my stuff. Nor when I found out it was because the stupid lady wrote down my access code wrong. Not even when a couple of drawers of clothing and knickknacks were covered in mould and everything came out smelling like my dad's twenty year old tent. When my Italian class got moved to the other side of campus and I had to walk through the pouring rain to get there, I really wasn't in that bad of a mood.

But then.

THEN.

I got switched from assistant stage managing RENT to stage managing a student rep later in the year.

Yes, to any other production student, that would probably seem like a promotion. But I spent the entire summer since finding out my production assignment so excited to be working on RENT. A show I love, that's been with me since the early teenage years. Yes, Mimi probably should die since it is actually based on 'La Boheme', but I could get over that fact knowing I'd get to actually WORK THAT SHOW.

And then I met the cast! Well, 'met' is a strong word. I was in their presence and they came to realise I was more than a spectator. But this CAST, man. They can ACT. Even more, they can SING. In fact, they're all rather terrifying, especially as a whole. But there is such freaking TALENT in that group of people I could have dealt with the fear merely to be a part of that. Plus I was supposed to be working with two of my year mates who are also two of my best friends. Talk about fun.

But nooooo, the stupid senior production students CLEARLY get priority. Just because I'm almost the bottom of the totem pole - and there really isn't any 'almost' about it, freshmen don't count cuz they don't get any real assignments until second semester at the earliest - I get relegated to something I DIDN'T want, I DIDN'T sign up for, and would probably make a complete mess of. ofwhichI'dmakeacompletemess.

What's worse is that if they'd simply signed up this other chick there in the first place and me somewhere else, I wouldn't complain. I would have taken what they gave me and probably be psyched for it all the same. But they swept this out from under me even LATER than the last minute, if that's possible - we started rehearsal YESTERDAY and it got switched TODAY.

I've talked to the head of the department about it. He said he was glad I came to him about it, and that he'd get back to me after talking with a couple of the other teachers who make the assignment decisions. But still. I got entirely screwed over, and really, it's enough to crack your spirit a bit.

'Bones are broken and the will is sunk

how did everything get so fucked up?' - 'Manifest Destiny', Guster