We Walk the Plank

Song of the Day: 'Eyes Wide Open', Gotye

It's amazing how easily I get lost in other worlds.

It's amazing how easily these other worlds affect me. The people, their problems and triumphs, growth, adventures, relationships. I spend a remarkable amount of time crying over things that don't even exist in reality, simply because of how they have affected or altered the stasis of some fictional character's life.

What the hell does that say about me?

Hell, I cry at commercials. A moving hallmark card, a sad 'ADOPT ME I'M LONELY' animal, and I'm gone. Not, you know, bawling, or anything - but I'm most definitely tearing up and it'll inevitably make me think.

That's my problem - I over-think. I overanalyze and overdo ALL the things, especially when they're not necessary. I have a hard enough time not forgetting life isn't always black and white, it doesn't help that there's so much fucking grey.

Sometimes I feel like I'm Frasier or Niles - EVERYTHING CAN BE EXPLAAAAIIIIIINED, THAT MEEEEEAAAAAANS SOMETHIIIIIIIING.

Not always necessary. Things don't have to mean... things. More than what they are. Just because there's an obvious meaning of obviousness doesn't mean that it's too simple and there has to be something deeper.

THINGS. MEANING. MEANING THINGS. ICANHASTHESAURUS.

Oy. Talk about getting caught up in another world.

Why do I do that? Why am I so discontent with the things in my own life that I look for entertainment and things about which I can emote elsewhere? Or maybe I'm looking for an escape from the things in my own life? Which would be impressive, seeing as there isn't much in my life. No guy, no job, no activity, no change.

But really, I know that's not true. I needed to write it out just so I could contradict myself. I have a fantastic family, wonderful friends, ample opportunity for entertainment from the television shows I watch and the books I read. In a few days, I'll be starting rehearsal for Beauty and the Beast which will be a fantastic experience. I'll get to hang out with people my own age as well as boss people around who are younger than me - what's not to like! Then when school starts again I'll have interesting classes, a job so I can has le monies and thus go out and DO things once in a while with my friends - hell, I'll get to see all my school friends who I haven't really talked to since May!

Piffle. There I go again. EVERYTHING MEEEAAAAAANS SOMETHING. Can't I just enjoy a damn show?

.....I can't tell if I'm arguing with myself or not.

Just to be safe, I shan't analyze the fact that the first thing I list in the 'I'm unhappy' liturgy is the lack of male companionship.

At least not here.

'I am cold, unfeeling and odd

and you should thank God

that we are on different sides of the state - 

hope you're okay...' - 'Odd', Julia Nunes

OHAITHERE

Song of the Day: 'January Wedding', The Avett Brothers

Welp, looks like THIS still exists, though they've changed the format. I forgot what it was like to have time to spend updating this. But I guess that since I gave up quite a bit of my regular sleep schedule, blogging had to go for a while too.

But now it's SUMMER and I have TIME to do things! Whether or not I have the energy is a different matter, not one that I shall be delving into at the present time.

I spend a lot of time on tumblr. It managed to take over what free time I had during the school year that I couldn't spend asleep slash didn't feel quite like working. Yaaaaay, priorities.

Other than tumblr, I keep up with various webcomics and watch television shows online, most recently Frasier. Ya know, it might just be time to get busy with activity again.

What I lack is drive. I don't wanna do things. I have little to no will to make myself get active, even when I know I'll enjoy it or it will be good for me. I have this problem with self control too. I eat what I want when I want (if we have it), and I don't limit myself. Granted, my twenties IS the time to do this - while my digestive tract can handle it - but it's just such a bad habit. Plus, sometimes I end up feeling sick, and it's hard to feel like the yummyness I ate that probably caused said discomfort is worth it.

I'm not really a goal setting person. At least, not beyond the normal things - take the right courses, don't fail any of them, graduate at some point, mayhaps get a job and my own apartment kinda thing. And those are just the long-term ones. The short term ones come easily as well - get up, eat breakfast, watch Frasier. I'm damn good at filling my days with nothingness.

But what about the other goals? Those that fall in-between the short and long term. What am I doing this summer? When will I have enough money to go get another tattoo? What books do I want to try and get read before school starts up again? When am I getting my haircut?

And what about the abstract goals, things like health and better study habits and regulating my sleeping pattern? All things that at some point will be a long term goal, but have yet to weigh enough on my conscience to get me to do a damn thing.

It's strange - it's different in the school year. I know activity comes with the fact that I have to BE places, like work and classes, and I have friends to spend my free time with. But I'm also a lot more independent, more self-sufficient. Whenever I come home, I'm in a room in my parents home, we do everyone's laundry and dishes, we share all the common areas and have to clean up after ourselves. Don't get me wrong - I love my family. I love getting to come home and spend time with them for a few months when I spend two thirds of the year galloping out of my ever-loving mind. It's a great place and environment in which I get to relax, catch up on sleep, and do nothing for a while. But it gets to a point when the nothing is too much. After so much rampant activity during the school year and to then stop dead - it shifts something. Probably my state of mind most of all, but it's so sudden that it leaves me... wanting.

I dunno. I mean, I get this way every summer and have yet to do something different. Really, I just complain and continue doing nothing cuz overall, I like it. I like watching Frasier reruns, and I like going through my iTunes and finally listening to some of the things I haven't gotten around to. I like reading my books and baking and doing easy, regular things. I guess I just wish I had a better balance of the concerts, movie nights, and going into the city for the summer. Probably the same way I wish I had more time for reading, baking, and rerun-watching during the school year.


Yeesh, it's like I'm FOREVER DISCONTENT or something.

Go figure, right? Being human and all, whodathunk.

'Fog lifts to reveal potential
for generations prophesized
our growth to be exponential
our promise finally realized.' - 'Feel it Turn', Great Big Sea