ANGER, WILL ROBINSON

Song of the Day: ‘Funny the Way it Is’, Dave Matthews Band 

I don’t like being actively angry with people.

Which isn’t to say I haven’t done it. I’ve yelled and screamed and physically fought, been passive aggressive, even ranted loudly and repetitively to uninvolved third parties.

But usually - or at least more and more as of late - I like to take some time to think about it. To figure out what the problem is and find a way to address it without being overly accusatory and still getting my point across the first time around.

I don’t like addressing the problem right away, because that usually leads to me saying the first thing that pops into my head, which is rude and spiteful, more often than not.

Which is why it’s excruciatingly hard for me when people don’t extend me the same courtesy.

When they ignore me and expect me to know what the problem is, even though I wasn’t aware there was one in the first place.

When they send passive aggressive text messages or Facebook posts.

When they tell everyone but ME, and then everyone and their mother gives me nasty looks and talk about me behind my back and hate me.

...Okay, that last one hasn’t really happened (that I’m aware of), but still. They’re all from the same vein.

Furthermore, when I know or think someone’s mad at me, I get shaky. I get scared. I get this gross feeling in my stomach. My face flushes and stays hot and red. My throat gets smaller and it’s a little harder to breathe. I stop talking and have a hard time not crying.

I feel like I’ve done something mortifyingly offensive and wasn’t aware, and if the person even bothers to tell me I won’t get the chance to explain myself and try to fix the problem.

So, yeah. There’s some all around suckage whenever someone’s mad at me.

Not that anyone is particularly happy when someone’s angry with them... but still. It’s painful. 

‘All my doubts that fill my head are skidding up and down again
up and down and ‘round again, down and up and ‘round again. - ‘Crystal Ball’, P!nk