I Want, I Want, I Want.

Song of the Day: 'Jonah', Guster

I want to be an extreme.

I want to be the best at something. And no, I’m not trying to make a Pokémon reference.

I want to be so extraordinarily in love with something that it is part of my definition when you look me up in the dictionary.

I want to be so amazing at something that my friends and family think of me whenever they see that something. If that makes any sense.

I want to be noteworthy.

I want to be remembered.

I want to be known.

I want to be loved.

And it sucks to be thinking all of these things when I know there are people who have it harder and have less and want and need actual things that are concrete and tangible and don’t just long for ideas and the abstract like I do.

Especially when I have a lot of the concrete and tangible things that so many people lack.

But the things I tend to remember, the things that stick with me, aren’t the tangible things I have, like a roof and food and money and a university.

They’re not even the abstract things I have like friendship and fun and love.

They’re the things I don’t have.

I have an album on my computer of pictures I’ve found scouring the internet and this album is entitled ‘wonders’.

In this album I have 597 pictures of places I want to go and things I want to see.

This album is set as my background and changes everything minute and they are a constant reminder of the things I don’t have and the places I’ve never been and the things I have yet to see and do.

And at this point in time they are also a reminder of my own selfishness. I have an album of pictures that I don’t see as the wonders and beauty of the world. I see them as painful reminders of what I lack.

When did we become so selfish?

When did we lose the ability to cherish and appreciate all that we have and replace it with longing for what we don’t?

I have amazing friends.

I am blessed to have a wonderful family that I not only love but like.

I have hardships and obstacles as any one else does, but I blow those out of proportion by conveniently forgetting all the things I DO have that make life wonderful.

And I think I need to stop doing that.

'Something that I want

something that I tell myself I need

something that I want

and I need everything I see.' - 'Something That I Want', Grace Potter (Tangled)