Do You Remember the Sound of Snow?

Song of the Day: '12 Fingers', Young The Giant

Within the past few of months, a couple of my really good friends (one from school and one from home) have both been dumped by their respective boyfriends. This has led me to some thinking.

Now, I've never been in a serious relationship, so I'm just gonna say it now: I have a different point of view than they do. Obviously so. I haven't experienced that kind of loss and couldn't even begin to properly empathize. But I am a severely sympathetic person in general, so I understand - to an extent - and respect their grief and their pain.

That being said, what the ever loving FUCK?

The one from school is decidedly friendly with her ex and has been since they split. Sure, there was a couple days where they weren't in contact, but after they cooled off and it was all officially 'over' they became weirdly buddy-buddy. Friend-from-school even said it was like they were still dating, but minus the sex - with which she is evidently none too happy.

And then there's my friend-from-home. Her boyfriend was her entire world for just under a year and now is at a complete loss as to what to do with herself. She also won't entirely come to terms with the split up. Which, under the circumstances, is totally understandable. I'm just not gonna go into it in writing form because it takes DAAAAAYS to explain (notreallybutstill).

Disclaimer: I'm not ragging on the general state of post-breakup women everywhere. Just these two.

I just don't quite understand. After a long period of time of official significant-otherdom - and yes, I do believe both of these ladies were honestly in love and their respective boyfriends fully reciprocated - how are these good ways to handle the situation? Blubbering mess is fine. Understandable, even. But 'still gonna be friends'? WHY would you do that to yourself?

I mean, it's definitely a commendable and worthy goal - emphasis on GOAL. As in, long-term. Far away. After the mourning period. After the raging and screaming and hating period. Why would you try to go through even the subtlest of mourning periods about losing the guy you loved and try to be friends? Why would you even try and do those things at the same time?

Again, definitely a worthy goal. Barring infidelity or murder, some relationships can ideally be salvaged from the broken ship of significant-otherdom and still maintain a friendship (ha! punny) - at some point. After a little time has passed. When the wounds aren't so fresh and you can remember that the good times outweighed the bad ones, and overall is was a great relationship full of love and learning and a worthwhile experience.

But then there's friend-from-home and her inability to function. She's sad all the time. Or she's mad. She can't refrain from texting him (he won't take her phone calls or skype with her) or thinking about the situation and how heartbroken she is or TALKING ABOUT IT WITH EVERYONE EVER.

I'm really really not trying to make her, her pain, grief, or heartbreak insignificant. I promise.

She's just NOT. HANDLING. IT. No adverb required, there is NO handling to be had. She's festering. She's stewing. She's simply letting the wound rot by poking and prodding it to see if it's actually there or not, and then TALKING IT TO DEATH.

....I may or may not be getting fed up with hearing the same damn shit every time we hang out.

Which, honestly, may call into question how much I care. I mean, I do. I love her to pieces and it sucks big hairy donkey balls that this happened at all and I wish she weren't feeling this pain and I wanna punch the ever-loving shit out of this dick who says 'he just doesn't want a relationship right now' (you couldn't have figured that out sooner? Mayhaps a lot more before your 1-year anniversary? Come on, dude.).

I really just don't like the way my girlfriends are handling themselves. Breaking up sucks. Majorly. It's kind of a law of life. But pretending there's nothing to mourn is like a twisted way of saying there's nothing worth remembering. And ostriching up, head completely in the sand, is such an unhealthy way of handling everything. Ever. 'If I can't see it, it's not real' stopped applying when we realized there aren't actually monsters under the bed. Then there actually wasn't something to fear, simply the extent of our own imaginations.

People are stupid.

'Lovin' is easy, lovin' is easy
but losing is hard
ain't it high grade, powerful stuff?' - 'Girl Police', The Dudes