It's Hard.

Song of the Day: ‘The Call’, Regina Spektor 

It’s a hard feeling when you’re crushing on someone who isn’t aware.

It’s a hard feeling when he mentions in passing a crush he has on another girl.

It’s a hard feeling when you realize that you’re not spending your time justifying his bad traits like you usually do with your crushes because you’ve also come to realize he has none, or very few.

It’s a hard feeling when it’s one of your best friends.

It’s a hard feeling when you want to tell the others in that circle of friends, but are too afraid of weirding things out and making it awkward.

It’s a hard feeling when you know you’ll be three thousand miles away from this guy you’ll never tell for three months.

It’s a hard feeling to realize you don’t want to spend those three months getting over him.

But it’s a harder feeling to think you won’t get over this, you can’t get over this, and you’re wallowing in self-pity.

So you pick yourself up, brush off your hands, shake out the tired and keep walking. Maybe daydream about that cute nerdy guy you’ve seen around who you just KNOW is into Star Wars and probably plays World of Warcraft.

And then you remember who you do love, who does love you, and why life is so wonderful.

Regardless of all the hard feelings and stress and anger and angst you’ve had thrown at you and you’ve thrown at yourself the last couple of weeks.

Stay the optimist. Or at least try. Even trying will leave you leagues ahead of the other players. 

A piece reserved
deserved, she hopes
but copes when it fails
when it falls through
when the ship sails
and she’s shattered anew
a place prewarmed
but misinformed, she is
says her heart
sometimes her head
time to restart
a softer tread
a hand not grasped
gasps, she hurts
disconcerted by the lack
almost unexistence
her mind attacks
rushes to the defense
a hope yet to be crushed
flushed, she dreams
redeems her self worth
she refuses to desist
ignores the dearth
and stays the optimist.